Jacki Carr

When did you know you wanted to be a mother?

I have always known. Every ounce of my body wanted to be a Mama since I can remember! I have a stellar example in my Mom, her sisters and my Grandmother. I come from a big family and I thrive in the loud, the connection, even the arguments and I knew I wanted that for myself one day.

How do you balance your career and motherhood?

I have found that I balance motherhood and my career by knowing what the word 'balance' means to me. Not the ideal, not the even scale, no that Mom or this Mom, but  how balance can be implemented in my crazy, amazing, insanely full life. So to me, balance is honoring my core values, leading by example for my children and staying true to my WHY while listening to my husband when he says, 'babe, time to shut it off' when I am overstepping my work time. A beautiful combination of doing what I love and offering it to the World and listening to my partner, I picked him on purpose!

How do you bring yourself back when you get to the end of your rope?

Oh how the rope can fray. I go outside and hike in nature, this is my recalibration. The fresh air is where it is at for me. Or a Michael Jackson song. 

How has motherhood changed you?

Motherhood has changed me. Immensely. I am more patient (some times). I am grown up with a deep responsibility not only to my children and also in shaping the world they will grow up - both in this home we have built for them with love and boundaries and wild freedom and also in the World. I feel in action and on purpose more than I ever have. 

What is one thing you would like to ask your own mother / grandmother about their motherhood journey?

I called my Grandmother after having my second child, Nora and I asked her what the hell she was thinking? My Grandmother had five children in a span of seven years. What the what? And my hilarious Mother just laughed and laughed as I had my children so close together while my sister and I are four years apart and FOURTEEN years apart from my youngest sister. One thing I have been thinking of asking them is a memory they would share where they were deep in the depths of laughter with their children, like tears in laughter, what were they/we doing?

What advice would you give to yourself as a first time mother?

Be a first timer, be a beginner. Ask for help and know that you get to learn with your children, together. 

How has motherhood been different with your second child?

SO SO SO DIFFERENT. I find it is hard to not compare how my oldest did it this way and truly take the time and brain space that my second child will do it her own way, like not sleep through the night. I am learning a lot about expectations and releasing them faster. I am learning how to share time while honoring the individual time with each and together time with both. I am brand new, all over again, I am a beginner. 

How do you discipline / correct / redirect your children when they misbehave?

I kneel down on her level, make eye contact and we have a conversation. If the emotions or too high, we both take a time out. 

What was your favorite / most difficult part of your pregnancy / birth journey?  

I truly loved being pregnant. It was honestly the first time in a long time, I fell in love with my body. Through years of wanting to change, making mean comments in the mirror, forcing workouts and forcing an 'ideal' image that was not my own, my pregnant body was when I feel most beautiful, when I felt so on purpose and a beautiful balance of magic and badass science.

Tell us about your birth journeys?

I have written both of my birth stories on my blog for Evergreen and Nora, as both were so very different. Some similarities, I went natural with both deliveries, I tore in both deliveries, and yes I totally pooped in both deliveries on that damn table, and my husband was the most incredible support system every single minute, my rock and it truly took our relationship to its next evolution. Evergreen, who we call 'Evi', took 22 hours and all the pushing and strength I had. Four days after arriving home with our sweet girl, I had a Postpartum Hemorrhage (PPH) and was back to the ER for one of the scariest days of my life. I took 30 full days to recover and be able to walk with out fainting. Motherhood teaching me to slow down already. Nora took about 22 minutes to deliver and came out in four pushes, we almost did not make it down the mountain and to the hospital. My doula wasn't even there she came so fast. Her delivery was smooth and recovery was where I struggled most as my mental game would play tricks on me that I was going to have a PPH again and I was literally in pads for SEVEN WEEKS. This round teaching me patience, grace and leaning on my tools to trust. 

What advice would you offer to an expecting mother?

I have a candle sitting on my desk in which my friends wrote a word for me to read while in delivery with our second child. As you know, the candle never even left the car as we were in such a rush. However, I read it now and there are words like confidence from my baby sister, wholeness from my best friend, courage, love, open and strength are on there, too. I cherish the candle as it presents me with choice in who I want to be as a Mother. Start choosing your words now, try them on. We are all brand new in this together, so let's get curious, connect and be open to the magic and well, the shit show that it is.